If your quality as a person is determined by how you treat other people, then the way you drive can also determine your quality as a person. Yes, just as with the poopie bags I left in a neighbor's backyard, I have lowered my quality with my conduct as a driver. I have had two tickets in my career as a driver, and both came when I deserved them most. I will get to those wonderful moments later, but right now I will talk about my tendencies as a driver and how they affect my view of my micro morals.
I like to think of myself as a passive aggressive driver. I don't tailgate, yell obscenities, make hand gestures, or use my horn unless I feel a direct threat from an inattentive driver. But I do find a special pleasure in subtle actions to aggravate drivers that bother me. If someone is driving especially aggressively, I will slow down next to another car so they can't pass me. If someone tailgates me on the interstate while I am in the left lane, I refuse to move out of the way. I know I should be a better person and just let it go, but that is easier said than done.
I am certainly guilty of moments of road rage, but there are two moments that stand out in my mind. The first one was on a boring stretch of corn lined interstate that was being repaired. The construction was intermittent, so in the middle of all the one lane restrictions there were short sections of two lane freedom. I was stuck behind an old blue farm truck that was going forty miles per hour. I am okay with people going slow in construction zones, but going less than the speed limit was getting on my nerves. We came up to the first open section of two lane road and the truck didn't move to the right lane. By the time I realized he wasn't getting over it was too late for me to get around. So five more miles of forty mph was my punishment. Five miles for me to get more angry. So at the next open section I tried to pass the old truck on the right, but he sped up. I couldn't pass him. And needless to say he slowed to forty again once I was forced to get behind him for the next stretch of construction. Seven miles of irritation this time--seven slow miles. In the next open section, we did the same dance, but this time I was determined so I accelerated immediately and was at eighty five mph by the time I realized that I was going to make it past him. I looked over to see the two men in the old blue truck smiling at me. What are you smiling at? I turned back to see a state cop on the shoulder. He flicked his lights and I pulled over in front of him.
The next moment was worse. I was driving on a city road at night and the speed limit was 30 mph. I was going through an intersection on a green light and a little red car turned right in front of me. I hit the brakes and honked, and then proceeded to tailgage the little red car until it turned off the road, but then I got stuck behind a white Ford Tempo that was going 17 mph. I was still a little mad and tailgated this person until I couldn't take it anymore and passed it. I immediately saw the lights. The cop told me that I must have scared the little old lady in the tempo almost to death. I wasn't in the mood for the self righteousness. "Did you see the red car pull out in front of me?"
"That is the ticket I am letting go with a warning."
"Really, so I am getting more than one?"
"One for following too closely, and another for going forty-five in the thirty."
"Thanks for the leniency."
"I would be happy to give you that third ticket if you want to keep talking."
Why are we so mean in the car? Do we feel insulated by the two tons of steel? If that is the case, the car is a special test for micro morals. If I treat people worse in the car than I do face to face, then the real me must be in the car. It is in the car that I feel free to do things without social judgement. The car is a surrogate for social interaction. It is safer for me to act out of anger and other emotions. Have you ever cut someone off, only to see it was someone you know? How did you feel? Did you apologize?
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Sidewalks are for walking
This blog is really about selfishness, and the thousands of selfish things that we do on a daily basis. Selfishness is necessary to our survival, but we have a screwed up understanding of what benefits us individually and collectively. I don't know if that comes from greed, capitalism, or an immature view of the world, but the issue is the key to morality and how it is developed. Look at the ten commandments--they work because they make sense. They work in the same way that dogs know not to poop in an enclosed space. It is about survival. You don't sleep with your neighbor's wife because it is essentially pooping in your own backyard. Yes, selfishness can get you the nice parking spot, but at whose expense? And will that person remember?
When we decide to do something for selfish reasons, we have to remember that if we hurt the people who are close to us, physically or spiritually, we damage our chances for good things to happen to us. Call it Karma or Morality, it doesn't really matter. Micro morals may seem small in reference to adultery, pride, gluttony, and the rest, but I assure you that if you practice unselfishness, then those larger morals will be easy to keep.
An easy example of this is where you park. We all would love to park our cars as close to our homes as possible, but who are we hurting when we do? People choose to live in neighborhoods for all kinds of reasons, but many of us like to believe that the outdoors around our homes are as important as the square footage, and the way that we experience the neighborhood is through the sidewalks. But in many neighborhoods people park their cars on the at the end of their driveways over the sidewalks. At the very minimum, this is an inconvenience, but if these cars are forcing kids to walk on the street, it can be very dangerous. Needless to say, it pisses me off. I have considered letting my dogs collar scratch the paint on these cars or maybe bumping my kids' wagon into it. Whatever you have to do to keep from parking your car on a sidewalk is a kindness that may go unnoticed, but that makes it a grand one.
When we decide to do something for selfish reasons, we have to remember that if we hurt the people who are close to us, physically or spiritually, we damage our chances for good things to happen to us. Call it Karma or Morality, it doesn't really matter. Micro morals may seem small in reference to adultery, pride, gluttony, and the rest, but I assure you that if you practice unselfishness, then those larger morals will be easy to keep.
An easy example of this is where you park. We all would love to park our cars as close to our homes as possible, but who are we hurting when we do? People choose to live in neighborhoods for all kinds of reasons, but many of us like to believe that the outdoors around our homes are as important as the square footage, and the way that we experience the neighborhood is through the sidewalks. But in many neighborhoods people park their cars on the at the end of their driveways over the sidewalks. At the very minimum, this is an inconvenience, but if these cars are forcing kids to walk on the street, it can be very dangerous. Needless to say, it pisses me off. I have considered letting my dogs collar scratch the paint on these cars or maybe bumping my kids' wagon into it. Whatever you have to do to keep from parking your car on a sidewalk is a kindness that may go unnoticed, but that makes it a grand one.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Its a Urinal, not a trash can
All the ladies can either skip this entry, or try to imagine what a men's public restroom is like. It is just like a ladies room, but it doesn't have a sitting room with a sofa and tables to chat while your friends are peeing. The men's room gets its charm from the urinals and the inevitable puddles of pee underneath. I am sure we all have stories of gross things that we have encountered in a public restroom, but I am going to talk about one that bothers me and falls under the jurisdiction of micro morals. I have been in many a stall doing number 2 and realized that there was no toilet paper, but I have never been in a public restroom that was missing a trash can. Yet, there always seems to be some random wad of gum, cigarette butt, sunflower seed, condom, or tooth pick sitting on the plastic urinal cake holder in the urinal.
The only thing more gross than a puddle of pee on the floor of a men's restroom is something actually soaking in the collective urine of hundreds of random people. If someone has chosen to be the person responsible for keeping a public restroom clean, then I am guessing that there are a lot of things in that person's life that might be difficult. The rest of us, who don't have to clean public restrooms, don't need to add to the difficulties in this person's life by spitting something into the urinal that they have to clean. If you are standing at a urinal, I can guarantee that there is a trash can within ten feet of you. Wait until you are done and walk to the trash can and dispose of your garbage there, and then thank whatever higher power you believe in for not making you clean puddles of pee under urinals.
The only thing more gross than a puddle of pee on the floor of a men's restroom is something actually soaking in the collective urine of hundreds of random people. If someone has chosen to be the person responsible for keeping a public restroom clean, then I am guessing that there are a lot of things in that person's life that might be difficult. The rest of us, who don't have to clean public restrooms, don't need to add to the difficulties in this person's life by spitting something into the urinal that they have to clean. If you are standing at a urinal, I can guarantee that there is a trash can within ten feet of you. Wait until you are done and walk to the trash can and dispose of your garbage there, and then thank whatever higher power you believe in for not making you clean puddles of pee under urinals.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Last Bastion of Littering
We live in a time in our country where few things are agreed upon, and one of those things is litter. There aren't many places where it is acceptable to toss your garbage on the ground. Sure you see the occasional fast food cup or hamburger wrapper in the median of the interstate or gum under a railing, but there really is only one form of littering that you find everywhere and you can even see people doing without any social approbation. Cigarette Butts. Did I miss the announcement that cigarette butts are a good fertilizer, or that birds need them for their recommended daily intake of fiber? I know that cigarettes and smokers have been an easy target lately--smokers have lost their ability to smoke most places, and big tobacco was the government's go to scapegoat long before wall street and British Petroleum, but the flicking, stamping, dropping, and stubbing of the lovely filters of cigarettes all over the place is getting to be too much.
I challenge you to find a parking lot that isn't peppered with cigarette butts, or drive in the slightest bit of traffic and not see one of your fellow drivers flick a butt out of a cracked window. Where is the disconnect? I don't understand what tells people to throw their empty pop cans into a recycle bin and then flick their cigarette butts wherever they please. I was recently on a beach in Florida and my daughters and I were building sand castles. We didn't find any tar balls, but we did find a few cigarette butts. This is a major micro moral. I would feel bad if I thought that I were asking a lot, but if there are enough trash cans to keep people from dropping their candy wrappers everywhere then there are enough trash cans to collect all the cigarette butts too.
I challenge you to find a parking lot that isn't peppered with cigarette butts, or drive in the slightest bit of traffic and not see one of your fellow drivers flick a butt out of a cracked window. Where is the disconnect? I don't understand what tells people to throw their empty pop cans into a recycle bin and then flick their cigarette butts wherever they please. I was recently on a beach in Florida and my daughters and I were building sand castles. We didn't find any tar balls, but we did find a few cigarette butts. This is a major micro moral. I would feel bad if I thought that I were asking a lot, but if there are enough trash cans to keep people from dropping their candy wrappers everywhere then there are enough trash cans to collect all the cigarette butts too.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Right of Way
My first true post of a micro moral is a simple one: Walk on the right side. This applies to sidewalks, stairwells, and doorways. This may seem small or unimportant or even petty, and the last thing I want is to sound like some busy body from your neighborhood who calls the cops every time you drive past his house a little too fast. But life is easier for all of us when we know what to expect. Ever go in for a hand shake and get surprised by a hug? Go in for a hug with your aunt and get surprised by a kiss? How many times do you walk into a door only to be surprised by someone trying to come out. Was it your fault? How do you know?
You know it was your fault because you walked through the left side didn't you. I know that sometimes it is easier to walk through the left side. Maybe someone has just walked through and it hasn't closed yet, or they even seem to be holding it open for you, but you step in only to have an awkward dance with someone who has the right of way. Ultimately, it is your fault and your motivation was selfish. Should you go to jail or be stoned to death? Of course not. But the social awkwardness is entirely the fault of the person who ignored the rules. I can't pretend to say that I have never walked through the left door, but now I have two children and navigating doorways is hard enough without impatient people barreling through the wrong side. Making a commitment to small gestures of kindness that may never be noticed is the height of morality and what micro moralism is all about.
There are more obvious forms selfishness in the battles of right of way. Lovely people who walk in pairs down a sidewalk and don't break formation when your are walking in the other direction. These people are saying that they are more important than you. That is the only logical explanation. What is worse? Stepping behind your walking partner for a second while someone passes, or having to step into the grass or something else. I am proud to say that I have never been this selfish, but it does make me angry. Maybe more angry than I should be, but to me this is the epitome of someone who can parade great Macro Morals around and never lie, cheat, steal, have promiscuous sex, contemplate abortion, but in these smaller actions they show their true selves. They show themselves to be selfish and only moral when people are watching or when the issue is important enough for people to care.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Social Criticism without Judgement
The title of my new blog is The Micro Moralist, and the hope is that a title accurately describes the issues that will be written about. Just in case the title doesn't do that, here is a brief explanation of my motivations and what you can expect from this blog.
The moralist part of the title might seem self explanatory, but I will not be going anywhere near the moral issues that most people argue about on a daily basis, nor do I claim to be some holier than thou preacher of all things good and virtuous. If you are looking for someone to reinforce your already held beliefs about these issues, then you have clicked on the wrong link. The key to the title is actually the word Micro. Where Moralists might busy themselves with issues of sexuality, abortion, violence, cloning etc... a Micro Moralist, like myself, will be dealing with issues of littering, cutting in line, saving seats, honking, and basically most things that we deal with in social interactions on a daily basis. So why the moralist? Why not something that more accurately describes the gravity or weight of what I am talking about? Precisely because I believe that these smaller issues of daily social interaction are just as important, if not more important that a person's views on abortion, sexuality or even religion. As controversial as these issues are, it is rare that any of us are actually faced with anything near the weight of these Moral choices.
Micro Moralism deals with who you are in every moment of your day based on all the choices you make. Are you selfish? Are you a good person? How do you know? Others might have a more accurate view you in this regard, but if you read my blog on a daily basis, I hope to help you answer these questions. Some of these blogs might be funny, while others may be more serious. I also hope to show that I am not going to be writing about these things from above, but from the very level that all of us inhabit. Today I will tell a story of something I did that made me feel like a bad person, and rightfully so.
Pooper Scooper doofus
This happened when I was walking my dog about seven years ago. We didn't have kids at the time and I walked him way more than I do now. I also took him for much longer walks. On this particular walk, as with most walks, he pooped three times very early in a long walk and I did my duty and picked it up in the little black plastic bags and tied them up. In our apartment complex there were these convenient little trash cans for dog poop, but I was well out of our neighborhood carrying these hot and smelly little bags of poop and I couldn't find a trash can anywhere. I was getting tired of carrying them, and I wish that I could say that when I dropped them behind some bushes in someone's yard that my plan was to pick them up on the way back. Unfortunately, I never had the chance. The owner of the house happened to see my offense and asked what I thought I was doing. My embarrassment precluded any explanations, mainly because I had none, being that I was hoping to be free of those bags. So I apologized, picked up the bags and walked away.
Why did I do it? Because I was thinking only of my discomfort and placing my minor needs above the needs someone I didn't know. I also obviously didn't think anyone was watching, and my risk of being caught or punished was small. Where does that offense rank in the world of crime? Pretty low I guess, but seven years later, I still feel bad. And when someone asks the cliched question of who are we when nobody is looking, I can't help but remember that moment. I was willing to literally toss crap into somebody's backyard because I didn't think anybody was watching. So, by that standard, I am a crap tosser, that's who I am when nobody is watching. I don't just drop a gum wrapper or flick a cigarette butt, I leave hot stinking bags of dog feces in unsuspecting people's back yards. I would like to think that I am still a good person, but does a good person do that? I am pretty sure that if you perused 100 lists of things that make you a good person, that littering poop bags isn't on any of those lists. And I am almost positive that the person who caught me trying to hide those bags behind her bushes doesn't think of me as a good person. The only thing I can do is try to learn from my mistake. So If you ever catch me being overly judgemental in one of my blogs, just remind me that I am a selfish crap tosser.
Should I start my blog this way? I am not sure, but for this journey to be successful, there must be tough self examination. Ask yourself what you have done when you thought that noone was watching or when you thought you wouldn't be punished.
The moralist part of the title might seem self explanatory, but I will not be going anywhere near the moral issues that most people argue about on a daily basis, nor do I claim to be some holier than thou preacher of all things good and virtuous. If you are looking for someone to reinforce your already held beliefs about these issues, then you have clicked on the wrong link. The key to the title is actually the word Micro. Where Moralists might busy themselves with issues of sexuality, abortion, violence, cloning etc... a Micro Moralist, like myself, will be dealing with issues of littering, cutting in line, saving seats, honking, and basically most things that we deal with in social interactions on a daily basis. So why the moralist? Why not something that more accurately describes the gravity or weight of what I am talking about? Precisely because I believe that these smaller issues of daily social interaction are just as important, if not more important that a person's views on abortion, sexuality or even religion. As controversial as these issues are, it is rare that any of us are actually faced with anything near the weight of these Moral choices.
Micro Moralism deals with who you are in every moment of your day based on all the choices you make. Are you selfish? Are you a good person? How do you know? Others might have a more accurate view you in this regard, but if you read my blog on a daily basis, I hope to help you answer these questions. Some of these blogs might be funny, while others may be more serious. I also hope to show that I am not going to be writing about these things from above, but from the very level that all of us inhabit. Today I will tell a story of something I did that made me feel like a bad person, and rightfully so.
Pooper Scooper doofus
This happened when I was walking my dog about seven years ago. We didn't have kids at the time and I walked him way more than I do now. I also took him for much longer walks. On this particular walk, as with most walks, he pooped three times very early in a long walk and I did my duty and picked it up in the little black plastic bags and tied them up. In our apartment complex there were these convenient little trash cans for dog poop, but I was well out of our neighborhood carrying these hot and smelly little bags of poop and I couldn't find a trash can anywhere. I was getting tired of carrying them, and I wish that I could say that when I dropped them behind some bushes in someone's yard that my plan was to pick them up on the way back. Unfortunately, I never had the chance. The owner of the house happened to see my offense and asked what I thought I was doing. My embarrassment precluded any explanations, mainly because I had none, being that I was hoping to be free of those bags. So I apologized, picked up the bags and walked away.
Why did I do it? Because I was thinking only of my discomfort and placing my minor needs above the needs someone I didn't know. I also obviously didn't think anyone was watching, and my risk of being caught or punished was small. Where does that offense rank in the world of crime? Pretty low I guess, but seven years later, I still feel bad. And when someone asks the cliched question of who are we when nobody is looking, I can't help but remember that moment. I was willing to literally toss crap into somebody's backyard because I didn't think anybody was watching. So, by that standard, I am a crap tosser, that's who I am when nobody is watching. I don't just drop a gum wrapper or flick a cigarette butt, I leave hot stinking bags of dog feces in unsuspecting people's back yards. I would like to think that I am still a good person, but does a good person do that? I am pretty sure that if you perused 100 lists of things that make you a good person, that littering poop bags isn't on any of those lists. And I am almost positive that the person who caught me trying to hide those bags behind her bushes doesn't think of me as a good person. The only thing I can do is try to learn from my mistake. So If you ever catch me being overly judgemental in one of my blogs, just remind me that I am a selfish crap tosser.
Should I start my blog this way? I am not sure, but for this journey to be successful, there must be tough self examination. Ask yourself what you have done when you thought that noone was watching or when you thought you wouldn't be punished.
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